Slumber's Torture: C7: Together As A Family

   Donnie struggled to take a breathe in.  His chest had tightened, and his heart was threatening to stop.  It was beating so hard, so fast, he began to shake.  He was lightheaded, and dizzy.  Was his brother really going to tell him everything?  The truth?  The reason for this world?  What his part was in it?

  “Calm down bro,” Mikey sighed.  “Don’t want you blowing a blood vessel now, do we?” Absentmindedly, Mikey scratched on the end of his missing arm.  “Alright...let’s see...where the shell do I even begin?” Donnie felt his mouth going dry, and his vision seemed to begin cloud over.

  “The beginning?”  He offered.  It was the best thing he could think.  Start where it all originated, where he delivered the crushing blow to his family.  It was better that way.  He had to prepare himself for the worst though, and he didn’t think he was ready.  Could he handle the truth?  Could he handle his own deception?  Treachery?

  Mikey exhaled quietly, “That was a...a long time ago.”  Nostalgia filled his eyes, and he took another deep breath in.  “Uh...well...it started out about thirty years ago.  You uh...you went through some stuff...had some nightmares...and well...we weren’t there for you like we should have been.”  Donnie couldn’t believe it.  That was how all of this started?  He had nightmares?  That was it?  “We blew it off.  We told you they were just nightmares...that they didn’t matter...that you just had to let go...” Mikey clenched his jaw, trying to pull himself together.  This was clearly something he didn’t want to talk about, something had tortured him for years.  “You thought...you thought we didn’t care...you grew distant.  Eventually...eventually it was too much.  Since you pulled away, you felt like we were, too.  You believed with all of you that we didn’t care.  That you weren’t our brother.  Then it happened...” Hatred seemed to fill Hamato Michelangelo, a hatred that had long consumed his soul.

  “What happened Mikey?” Donnie felt so lost.  He would never turn his back on his brothers like this, not over something so menial as a dream!

  “Something was triggered Donnie.  None of us are sure what is really was, whether it was Kraang related, or something else.  All we know is that you changed.  You had a...a secondary mutation.  Even after-”

 “A what?” Donnie couldn’t believe his ears.  A secondary mutation?  Was such a thing even possible?  And why would it happen to him?

  “Look, I told you I’m not repeating myself.  I want to get this done and over with as quickly as possible. As I was saying, even after we managed to reverse it, you were different.  I...I think you felt like you couldn’t...trust anybody.”

  “Trust?” Donnie blinked slowly.  “I know I can trust you guys!  And Master Splinter! And-”

  “Donnie,” Mikey held up his hand.  “You didn’t trust anyone, least of all yourself.  You thought...you thought...” Donnie could have sworn that he saw tears in Mikey’s eyes.  “You thought you were a monster.  You started treating yourself as one.  I...I watched you fall apart before my very eyes...I watched the gentle, science loving turtle turn from scared and hurt, to...dark...and...and....” Mikey’s started choking up.  He was crying freely now, as much as he didn’t want to.  He had tried to push those memories back into the furthest corners of his mind, and yet here was Donnie, drawing them out like poison.  But Donnie wouldn’t let that.  He reached out for his little-turned-big brother, pulling him into his arms.

  “I won’t let that happen Mikey...I won’t let it happen...when I get home from this cesspool...I won’t let it...I won’t...you have my word,” It was Donnie’s testament.  He was not going to ever betray his family like that.  Not in such a cruel way.  He wasn’t going to let them fall part like this because of him.

  Mikey stifled a sob, pulling away from Donnie. He roughly wiped his tears away, shaking is head.  “I’m sorry,” He tried to sound tough and emotionless again, but it wasn’t going to happen.  “I’m sorry let you down Donnie...I’m sorry I failed you as a brother..I’m so sorry...”

  Donnie was trying to not suffocate in his own guilt.  How could Mikey even dare blame himself?  How could he think any of this was his fault?  “It’s not you Mikey...its me...I let all this happen...”

  “No,” This time Mikey sounded stronger.  He placed his hand on Donnie’s shoulder, and stared him straight in the eyes.  “You didn’t,” Both brothers leaned towards the other, drawing in the other.  They embraced tightly, reconciling to the other.  Tears were shed, emotions wrought and tossed like they were in a ship at sea. They were brothers again.  They were brothers, and no one was going to change that.  They were going to stand side by side each other, never letting the other down again.  They weren’t sure how much time actually passed, they were just intent on comforting the other.  And comfort they did.

  “Donnie...” Mikey whispered, and he sounded just as fragile as he had when they were kids.

  “Yes Mikey?” Donnie was happy to just be here for his brother, and he was going to make sure that he would always be there for him.

  “Please don’t leave again...”  Those words broke Donnie’s heart, and he clutched Mikey even harder.  

  “I won’t Mikey.  Never ever.  I will never leave you, okay?”  Donnie stroked his brother’s shell.

  Mikey nodded.  “I should...I should probably...finish telling you what...what happened,” His baby blue eyes searched Donnie’s for any reason not to complete his tale of terror, but Donnie wanted to know.  He needed to know.  But he wasn’t going to let Mikey suffer, not like this.  Not again.

  “It’s okay...you don’t have too...” He murmured, trying to soothe his brother. He wasn’t going to let him hurt anymore.  He wasn’t going to hurt him, and he wasn’t going to be the cause of his pain.

  “No,” Mikey stated this loudly.  “It needs to be told.  We...we never really talked about it...I...I think...I think I need to talk it out,” His voice fell again at the end, but he was still confident.

  Donnie nodded.  How else was he to respond?

  Mikey took a shaky breath in.  “When...you changed like that, everything was so...so different for all of us.  You...you were so...so angry all of the time.  You...you started fighting with Master Splinter...and when he told you that you had to pull your act together...you...” Mikey cringed.  “You struck out at him.  You seemed a little...remorseful...but when Raph and Leo started yelling at you...you stormed out. You were so angry...Donnie...you...you never came back...you never came back to us...” Donnie reached for his Mikey, but Mikey grabbed his arm.  He stared straight into Donnie’s eyes, straight into his soul.  “Master Splinter never stopped believing in you.  I didn’t either...not until...not until Shredder...” Mikey stabilized his breathing just for a few seconds before begin to hake again.  “You were the one Donnie...you were the one who told the Shredder where we were...and it wasn’t even because he made you...you went to him!  You told him because you wanted to!”

  All the air escaped from Donnie’s being. He...he had betrayed his family in the worst possible way!  He...he killed Master Splinter...but not with his hands.  This was possibly worse.  He had killed father with his actions.  He had crushed his brothers’ spirits.  It was all his fault!

  “I had always thought there was some good left in you...I hadn’t even known it was you...not until you saved me and Raph from Shredder...I don’t even know why you did it Donnie.  You were...you were playing us...you wanted to see how the game between us and Shredder would persist...” Mikey had begun crying again.  He was so vulnerable now, as if the slightest touch would shatter him.  It reminded Donnie of something that had occurred between the two of them before...but it had been reversed.  “You saved us from the Shredder, Donnie.  I held onto the that.  But...but you had become another person...we didn’t even know you anymore...the things you told us as he recovered...and with that...that smile on your face...it had been years Donnie. Years since we had seen your face.  But the one that we saw...I would have rather believed you were dead...you were the same...but you were so dark...you took...pleasure from the horrors that you watched,” Mikey was sobbing, his words so mangled, Donnie could almost not understand them.  He didn’t even know how he could change into such a...such a monster.  That’s what he was.  He was a monster.  “I had an...an infection...” Mikey continued.  “And I fell into a fever...but when I awoke...you...you were gone...and so was my arm...” Mikey took a few deep breaths in.  “I’ve hardly seen you since...just passing glimpses...but that smile...that...that cruel, cruel smile...I’ll...I’ll never forget it...”

  Donnie backed away from his brothers, looking at his own hands.  How could he?  How could he hold his brother with so much blood on his hands?  How could he when he knew what he was going to do?

  He could hear Leo and Raph coming.  They were going to see him, they knew what he was capable of.  No wonder they all had met him with such...skepticism...they only knew him as a monster...

  The door opened, but Donnie didn’t know if Leo and Raph were talking or arguing.  All the sounds seemed to meld together.  He just had to get away.  He had to leave.  Pushing his way passed his older brothers, he turned to look at Mikey.  The tears were gone, but the gaze asked a single question: Was he really going to leave?  Was he going to abandon them again?  Was he going to cause them more pain?

  It was then that he knew he couldn’t.  He couldn’t do that to them.  So slowly he sank down the wall, staring with empty eyes at his family.  His vision blacked over, and for a few seconds, he finally found peace.

_{o-o-o-o-Slumber's Torture-o-o-o-Slumber's Torture-o-o-o-Slumber's Torture-o-o-o-Slumber's Torture-o-o-o-o}

  Donnie awoke to a delicious smell wafting into his room.  It was pizza- but not just any pizza.  It was his favorite, he could tell.  Pineapple and ham...but his brothers hated that! Why would they...unless...

  Donnie bolted from his room, straight for the kitchen.  They were all there, small grins etched on their faces.  Until they saw him.  They raced for him, his three brothers, sitting him down solemnly.  Mikey served the pizza up, beaming under Donnie’s gaze.  “Surprise?” He whispered.

  Donnie tried to smile.  He really did.  But how could he?  Not when Mikey’s last words to him were how he would never forget how cruel it was...

  “What’s wrong?” Mikey was pleading, looking back and forth between their older brothers.

  “Nothing...” Donnie murmured.  It was a lie if he ever heard one, and his brothers knew it too.  But they weren’t going to question him. Not right now.  They already had enough questions as it was, but they didn’t want to flood him.  They knew how fragile he was, no matter how much he wanted to deny it.

  “Donatello,” Splinter entered the room.  He bore only grief in his countenance, and he seemed to have aged in just the short amount of time Donnie had been out.  He placed a paw on Donnie’s shoulder.  “I am glad to see you have awakened.”

  “Sensei,” Donnie bowed his head in shame.  “I-”

  “No words right now my son,” Splinter pretended to smile.  “You need to relax.  Enjoy what your brothers have done for you.”

  Donnie gazed around, and realized he had not taken everything in.  It wasn’t just what his brothers had done, it was that they were there.  His brothers were there, and so was their father.  They were all together as a family.