Different As It Always Will Be: Part IX //SAINW//

    “Donatello, my son...” The words were so calming, playing on a loop.  “I understand that you cannot comprehend this, but I will prove it to you,” It was his father’s voice.  Like all the times he had tried to reach out to him in meditation, where he could almost touch him.  The closeness had always revitalized him, until that connection had been broken.  His concentration, his focus, made it impossible.  “You are safe.  You have no need to worry,” He wanted to believe him, he truly did.  But how could he?  It wasn’t real.  None of this was real.  “You will learn this, but for now, you need to rest.  Rest your mind, my son.  Rest...” He wanted to reach out, to feel the embrace again, but just as soon as it was there, it was gone.  It was real.  It had been real.  Everything else was a lie.  What was he running from?  He could not even remember.  He just wanted his father.  He felt like a child.

    Cold air hit him in the face, and he cringed.  He had known that it was a lie.  He was back in his cell, waiting for what they would do next.  The room was dark, like it always had been, but...it was different.  He sensed that in an instant.  The feel, the air, the smell.  It was too cold.  The air was stale.  The smell...musty.  Not like its rancid self.

    Donnie was laying down, his flesh against cold metal.  His hands, however, were not strapped down.  What kind of trick were they playing this time?  He rose, slowly, and breathed.

    He didn’t hurt.  Not a single millimeter on his body hurt.  Out of everything, that was the very first thing he noticed.  How could he not?  Pain had become his life.  A horrible, destitute life.  But just like that...it was gone.  His eyes, they were adjusted, and in mere moments he could see clearly.  It was still pitch black, but he could see.  It was the infirmary, his home.  Right across from him was his old desk, broken and battered, but crisp and clean.  It seemed like it was the only thing left in here.

    Something white caught his eye.  It was a piece of paper.  As he picked it up, he carefully read the words.  “Don’t forget.  Never forget.  Change the past, alter the future.  This is your mission, inch by inch.”

    Images flashed before his eyes.

   “It was just a nightmare...”

    “Guys, where am I?”  He was drowning...drowning in a sea of emotions...

    “Don?  What happened to you?”

    “I’m sorry...I have to know what is wrong with me...”

    “I’m only going to say this once, so you better listen, and you better listen well.”  They were all together...together as a family...It was a promise he was bound to keep beyond any measure.  They had seen him die...before their very eyes...

    “Booyakasha!”

    “My brothers, where are my brothers?”  There was no remorse in his voice at all.  He didn’t know how to fight it.

    “We’re brother, remember?  Brothers forever.”

    His torment had begun.  It would kill him.  It would destroy his family.  Everything would go black...he needed help.  Just for him.  He was a monster...a monster of a brother back from the dead.  He was taking the bet of his life, sacrificing everything.  He would forever remain that monster.  There would be no family of trust.  It would be...a shock to all of their systems.  Could they be a family forever?

    There was his struggle within.  He knew the truth would always be a lie.  That was why he could say all was well.  He was actually against his family.  All until his time would come...at the monster’s bidding, of course.  It would be his downfall.  Not even his mutation day could fix that.  His 16th?  It was unlike any other.  He would kill...it didn’t matter who, as long as it was somebody.  That was his twisted way.  It was his way of convincing himself that he was trying to save lives.  That he was truly treasured beyond measure.  But it was all his fault...he would never have a family reunion.  He would never be able to fix everything.  He had to take them out...it was the only way...straight into the nonexistence.  Never again.  He would be prepared to fight.  Maybe...maybe this was all a nightmare...the monster inside...it was his other choice.  To have no more pain.  It was finally time to say goodbye.

    Donnie gasped, doubling over.  Looking at himself, he cried.  He was wearing a dark trench coat, and he fingered the dark purple bandana around his head.  This was him.  This is who he was going to be.  He was going to do everything in his power not to do that...to not continue this unending cycle...the soul of him.  The soul of a thousand Donatellos.  A million.  A billion.  They were infinite.  This...this had no beginning, and unless he did something, there would be no end.  That was why he was here.  Not to save his brothers in this universe, but to save them in the next.  In his universe.  In this Donatello’s past, and in his present.  In the nexus of reality, where everything hung in the balance.

    “No.  No!  This cannot be...my brothers...” Donnie grimaced, gazing at the scars that littered his arms.  So many were from his own kin.  “This world.  This future.  It is a nightmare!  I will never abandon you!”  No one could hear him, he was certain, but he was crying out for them.  For the ones he had strived so long to see again.  To feel their warmth, their comfort, their love.

    He heard it first.  A blast, followed by so many more.  The room shook, the dust stirring.  The heat was becoming overwhelming, and the last thing Donatello was certain he saw was the blast of an explosion that could be described as nothing short of nuclear.  His body was being ripped apart, and he knew he had purposefully done this.  Not him...but the one who’s body he inhabited.  The breath he would no longer be.  In an effort to erase the world he had created, he was killing everything.  He was so desperate for it to end...for a new world to begin...he was willing to die for it.

    He pushed him out.  Mentally, not physically, he took over.  It gave Donnie just the chance he needed to snap back where he was supposed to be.